I Am Seen (Chana)

I was invisible
When my arms were empty,
My hands left with nothing to hold.
I was invisible as I walked through
Crowds on the market day;
I was invisible as I sat by
My husband at prayer,
His other wife,
Fulsome, fecund, fleshy,
On his other side,
Surrounded by her wriggling brood.
I was invisible in a world
Where my place was to nurture
The seeds of life until they
Burst into fruits and blossoms,
And tend to them as they grew.
Although they did not see me,
I felt their stares.
I felt their disdain.
I felt their rejection.

I was not invisible to one,
To my husband, whose heart was
Expansive and warming,
Who did not withhold his kind smiles,
Tender embraces or passionate kisses
From me, nor my portion,
Which he doubled, without fail,
And carried to me in his cupped hands,
Overflowing with love.
His generous gift to me was love,
And this was visible to her,
And to all the others who could not,
Would not,
See me.

I was invisible to the servants of God,
Who strode, robed and bearded, through
The temple, murmuring prayers,
Readying the sacrifice, tending the bier,
Collecting offerings of coin, grain, kid.
I was invisible to the eldermost one,
The highest and loftiest of them,
Who sat by the doorpost as I walked by.
He could not see me, but he heard me,
And then he questioned me, harshly,
Suspiciously. He asked me if I'd been
Drinking wine? What was I mumbling,
Like a senseless sot, in this sacred place?
He still could not see me.
He could not see my pain.
He could not see my emptiness.

I was invisible, but not to God,
To whom I prayed, with full song
And open heart, with the blood
And bones and breath inside my body,
To see me and hear my cry, my call.
When the priest heard my yearning song,
And felt the earnest desire to be more
Than I was alone, or with my kind husband.
I prayed and swayed and sang to God
To fill my empty cup at long last,
With a blessing to be shared with the world.
The priestly scowl softened, his eyes
Focused on me for the first time,
And he gently nodded.
I was visible.

I was visible that day, and felt
Sunlight streaming from the brilliant
Sky onto my tear-soaked face,
And deep inside, a seed took sprout.
Because I asked the Lord,
He kindly gave me his blessing.
And I shared my child with
All who lived around me,
And all who came after.
My gift was given back to God,
Given back to everyone
Who walks on path to heaven,
And those who stumble on the way.

When he was born, he looked up at me,
And I said that day,
"I am seen."
I am no longer the woman I was before,
But one who has been filled with light,
One who is seen by all around me,
And the one who watches me
From on high.